2013年9月11日星期三

適用:英文簡歷中绝不能呈現的內容

 緻命的大年夜錯
  "Finished 8th in my high school graduating class of 10."
  "Qualifications: No education or experience."
  "I am relatively intelligent, obedient and loyal as a puppy."
  "My compensation should be at least equal to my age."
  "Reason for Leaving: It had to do with the IRS, FBI and SEC."
  "Fired because I fought for lower pay."
  "Size of employer: Very tall, probably over 6’5" 。
  " "Please disregard the enclosed resume-it is terribly out of date."
  "Reason for Leaving: My boss said the end of the world is near."
  "Reason for Leaving: The owner gave new meaning to the word ’paranoia.’ I prefer to elaborate privately."
  打字弊病与語法過錯
  "Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."
  "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."
  "I am a rabid typist."
  "Work History: Performed brain wave tests,1879-1981."
  "After receiving advice from several different angels, I have decided to pursue a new line of work."
  "Accounting cleric."
  "As indicted, I have over five years of experience analyzing investments."
  "Suspected to graduate early next year."
  "Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."
  "Proven ability to track down and correct erors."
  "Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department,中英文翻譯."
  "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
  "Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school."
  不該有的風趣
  "Note: Keep this resume on top of the stack. Use all others to heat your house."
  "Assisted in daily preparation of large quantities of consumable items in a fast-paced setting." (Translation: Short-order cook。)
  "But wait...there’s more. You get all this business knowledge plus a grasp of marketing that is second nature."
  "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
  "My fortune cookie said, ’Your next interview will result in a job’-and I like your company in particular."
  "Title: Another resume from the ’Profiles in Excellence’ series,中譯日."
  "Also Known As: Mr. Productivity, Mr. Clever, Mr.Fix-it."
  "Trustworthy references available upon request-if I give them a few bucks."
  "Let’s meet so you can ’ooh’ and ’ahh’ over my experience."

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